


One Day I’ll Fly Away and Vanish

by minxy



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:01:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1994271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minxy/pseuds/minxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These moments, when they understood each other, they were on the endangered list. Had been since Jack decided to leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Day I’ll Fly Away and Vanish

“You are an incurable romantic.” Daniel reported dryly into his cordless phone while reuniting two medium tone blue letter envelopes from different strata of his stack of mail.

“Have you read them yet?” came the disembodied reply.

“Jack, I just got home. For the first time in many moons, I might add.”

“Sam take your mail in, I hope?”

“She just got back into town, Jack. Mitchell got it for me; he was staying here. You’re taking a risk by leaving a paper trail, Mr. Incurable Romantic.”

“There aren’t any signatures or salutations,” Jack informed him needlessly, with carefully neutral tone. “If you shred the envelopes we should be fine.”

“Post office stamp?” Careful.

“Yup.” Careful careful.

“Ah, romance in the twenty-first century. I love you-- shred any evidence of me.”

“Read them yet?” There was enough yet between them for Jack’s worry to transmit over the connection.

“No, I’m talking to you. D’you want to tell me what they say?”

“If you want.”

“You’re the story teller here, you pick the story.” For a moment, the only sound was the scrape of paper on paper; the harsh rip of pages trying to deal out paper cuts. “What inspired you to write?” Writing was Daniel’s medium.

“Sara. Found some old letters unpacking and one of them was from this…argument.”

“You argued in letters?” The interest was genuine, letters forgotten, double meanings and mixed emotions shoved aside in favor of the understandable anthropological puzzle.

“No, she was a smart woman, though. Still is. Anyway. We’d yell and scream and I’d be an asshole and leave the fight realizing I had no idea what had happened or what to do and I’d get even more frustrated. Sara would leave and sit down and write to me exactly what I’d done, what that had meant and why it couldn’t happen again. I’d find the letter on the kitchen table next time I walked through.”

“Uh oh, what did I do?”

“Nothing Daniel, it’s just that I would apologize the same way and I’d usually be much better at it than trying to talk it out.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

In a series of staccato beats, Daniel glanced through the several handwritten pages. “It looks like you’re going to apologize for every disagreement we ever had.”

“Well, in summary, sometimes it’s an apology for not being able to see your point, or not being able to support it, or any time I did something wrong, that kind of thing.” The try for flippant was abandoned mid-sentence. He was still walking on eggshells.

“Jack, have you joined some kind of 12 step program or something? Because you really don’t need to do this for me.”

“I know.”

“Okay. I haven’t finished reading yet, but you’ve been forgiven for these things for a long time.”

“Still needed to be said. Written. Yadda.”

“Confessed.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re absolved,” Daniel said easily.

“And I thought I was finally over that stint in Catholic school. You, ah…” Jack paused in apparent confusion followed by a clearing of the throat and a bravado filled, “You need to hear the sins first, you know, before the absolution part. It’s a rule, I think.”

“No, Jack.” Daniel said, more thoughtfully this time. “I really don’t. But you know how I can’t resist reading stuff, so you can rest assured that I will read these, just not while I’m on the phone with you.”

“You think I have guilt issues?” Finally having succeeded in inspiring Daniel’s concern, Jack began joking.

“Better work on that if you want to have sex anymore, you know. Catholic rules weren’t made for us.” In a way, it was a more effective absolution, coming from Daniel, joking about sex.

“Sooooo.” The voice timbre changed unmistakably, “Whatcha wearing?”

Daniel’s grin crept from his mouth to his eyes and down to his hands, which carefully set down the paper. Leaning his head back, Daniel let go for the moment of the worry and confusion writhing in his brain when he thought about Jack and gave in to amusement. “Oh, it’s sexy, Jack. A long sleeve shirt buttoned all the way up, pants with pleats in them and,” Daniel deliberately dropped his voice. “Socks. That match.”

“I’m wearing my dress blues, you know.”

He knew this game. He understood where he stood with Jack at these moments. He swiveled on the couch to stretch out fully. “Just for me? Just for this phone call?”

“I wear them every day here. Pent-a-gon,” Jack sing-songed.

Daniel’s smile disappeared under his arm as he swung it over his face and groaned in amusement at Jack. These moments, when they understood each other, they were on the endangered list. Had been since Jack decided to leave.

****

“Daniel?” Jack entered the apartment more slowly than usual.

“Yeeeaah… coming…” Daniel emerged from his study as Jack closed the door. It was a sign of… something, that he still put down his work at home if Jack was there. At least at first. “What’s up?”

Jack had no groceries in hand, no beer, no movie. He stood in the middle of the living room staring at nothing, like he’d never been in Daniel’s home before, and didn’t know if throwing one’s jacket over the back of the sofa was allowed or not. Daniel straightened as he entered the room and noticeably slowed his momentum, stopping just inside the archway; Jack watched him helplessly out of the corner of his eye.

“You okay? Sam, Teal’c okay?”

“Yeah, um, I think. I didn’t see them.”

“You didn’t go to the mountain?”

“I did.”

For all that he had thought of saying in the car on the way to the apartment, Jack still wasn't ready. He glanced over his shoulder and saw the outline of Daniel, blurry in his peripheral vision. It was enough and too much; Jack transferred his eyes to the ceiling and stretched his neck while blearily blinking.

“Jack, you’re starting to worry me, here.” Daniel said, smiling. Jack could hear the smile in his voice. He closed his eyes.

“The Pentagon thinks I made mistakes last year commanding the base.”

“Was this a performance review?” Daniel was suitably surprised he didn’t know, and sympathetic. “Sorry, Jack, I hate those things.”

He was smiling again. Jack had given most of Daniel's performance reports and they’d been administered by the singularly grandfatherly power figure that was Hammond. Jack was sure Hammond would never hurt Daniel like this if he knew, and, frankly he probably suspected, given what he’d implied…which meant there were more reasons to do what he was doing, but it was hard to remember them now.

“They want my experience more than they want me in the field now. They don’t trust me to protect the base before I…” he drifted off. Jack had doubted his command ability more times than he could count in the past year. He couldn’t leave his career after such an insecure tenure. He wasn’t the kind of man who could live with the possibility of his own weakness.

“You aren’t in the field, Jack.” The smile in Daniel’s voice was missing. Jack straightened and prepared to take whatever Daniel needed to dish out.

Except that he was still waiting for an explanation. He was waiting for Jack to make it right, which meant Jack was going to have to lay out the pain and explain it in excruciating detail before Daniel would believe it of him. He breathed deeply and turned to face the best thing that had ever happened to him and focused on his hair.

“Hammond pulled enough strings to make a sweater and reassigned me. They need someone more objective leading the SGC and he said he needs a 2IC in Homeworld Security. Expanding role. They’re considering going public. He’s overwhelmed.” Jacks voice was losing volume, and Daniel barely twitched at the mention of the program going public, preferring to look seriously at Jack through the upper edge of his glasses.

Jack wanted to kiss Daniel, any part of Daniel. Get the look of worry and dawning horror off his face and take some comfort before things changed again, but he waited for Daniel to think. He didn’t want to; he was fairly sure that when Daniel finished thinking he would understand too much and be furious. It was easier to be selfish when he wasn’t facing the possibility of being kicked out broken.

“Homeworld Security,” Daniel said, looking for the thread of logic and finding only suspicion, “is in D.C.”

Jack was terrified. “Yeah.”

It was enough to break the preternatural stillness of Daniel’s posture. He fidgeted, and nearly paced but for keeping his eyes on Jacks face. “Retire instead. The Goa’uld are gone. Retire.”

“Hammond…” Jack couldn’t hold the position; he turned and paced further into the living room.

“You agreed. He offered retirement and you agreed to D.C.”

Jack abruptly sat in a chair and ran his hands over his head twice in rapid succession.

“Jack, tell me you didn’t agree to be reassigned to D.C.”

Hands wrapped about each other and covering his mouth, Jack turned his head to look at Daniel, brows knit in worry.

Daniel’s face slowly deadened in the silence. When he spoke, his voice was equally dead. “Go. Go to Washington. It’s probably the best thing for you.”

“Daniel, it’s not that I’m leaving—“

“Jack.” Daniel’s voice was wound up and dangerously quiet. “Is it a permanent transfer?”

“Yeah.” Jack barely voiced the word.

“Then stop talking. I don’t—just, go.” Jack didn’t know whether Daniel was kicking him out or not, but felt unequal to the task of asking. He watched Daniel turn and walk to his bedroom and didn’t breathe. For the first time since they’d been together, Jack didn’t think he was invited to follow; instead, he put his face back in his hands.

****

Daniel walked straight past the bed and into his bathroom, intent on taking a shower.

He’d lost Jack. Jack was leaving him.

Inevitable, maybe. He died on Jack once too often, maybe. There was that thing with that girl last time… maybe it had occurred to Jack that he would be okay with Daniel never coming back. Maybe he wanted that girl instead; did she live in Washington? Kerry?

Oh God.

They’d just broken up.

Daniel got his face under the hot water as quickly as possible; stood with one arm against the wall under the shower head, the water beating on the muscle between his shoulder and neck.

He’d been alone before, but he wasn’t prepared for it this time. Didn’t see it coming. Didn’t really think he’d ever have to be alone again, not after Jack had taken the desk job. That was half-way to retirement, Jack had said, because he wasn’t good at sitting still and therefore was not long for the world of desks.

They were half-way to retirement, and openness. Or at least living together, and telling their friends. Parking in the driveway instead of 8 blocks away.

Or not.

Daniel hated the secrecy of being with a military guy, sneaking around like teenagers who could get caught out past curfew; but maybe Jack got off on that, on the danger. Maybe the idea of a happily ever after bit was Daniel’s alone.

Maybe, once again, he’d been a fool.

Daniel didn’t wash, just stood in the shower until his fingers were wrinkled and his shoulder could no longer feel the water pounding.

He toweled off perfunctorily, missing an arm and the backs of his legs in the process, and walked back through the adjoining door to his bedroom.

The sight of the bed was not welcoming. The air was cold. Daniel grabbed a pair of sweatpants from a lower drawer of his dresser and wore them like a barrier between him and Jack’s empty side of the bed.

In the first hour he lay there, he contemplated the military, Jack, how long it had been since he last wore clothes in his own bed, everything Jack had said about Kerry the CIA woman, whether he really loathed D.C. as much as he claimed and whether he loathed Daniel enough to run away that far.

The second hour, he gave up and went to make a pot of coffee.

And found Jack stretched out on the couch, with Daniel’s extra sheets and a spare blanket from the hall closet, uniform folded neatly on a chair nearby, arms folded under his head as he contemplated the ceiling.

“Didn’t I kick you out?” His voice sounded sticky, his throat was tight.

“Much as I respect that, I think you may have to bodily throw me out of this house tonight.”

“Why?”

“Because there are things…” Jack struggled for the words as he sat up on the couch, “That need to be said. And I’m going to say them badly, so I’ll just ask right now that if you throw me out, please throw my pants out too.”

Daniel looked into the kitchen, but he stayed where he was in the doorway. “What do you need to say?”

“I’m not leaving you, Daniel; I’m leaving my post in the mountain.”

“How is moving to Washington not leaving me, Jack?”

“It’s just not. It’s not another plane of existence. It’s not a planet on the other side of the universe with rough spun clothing. It’s just D.C. It’s a 4 hour flight. I checked.”

“A wormhole is instantaneous travel.”

“Okay, that’s true. But we can do this, Daniel.”

“Why, Jack?” Because Daniel had been working towards accepting that it was over, but there was already a part of him that traitorously believed in Jack and was cheering that half a continent was nothing, really.

“Why what?”

“Why everything. Why are you doing this?” He was on the verge of flailing. He was tired and emotionally worn out and he could not handle Jack being deliberately obtuse. Jack, apparently, could not stay on the couch anymore and walked into Daniel’s space.

“Do you want us to stop, Daniel?”

“Damn it, Jack! Do you?” Earlier he had kept his dignity and controlled his voice, but it seemed dignity was out the window now. He was ready to shout.

“No. This is very important, so I hope you’re taking notes.” Jack’s voice was deliberate and his bare legs were distracting up close.

“I don’t understand.” He didn’t. The urge to swing his arms and shout was gone and he felt simply defeated. He dropped his chin to his chest and stared at the wall behind Jack.

“I know. The only important thing we really need to work out tonight is that I’m not leaving you. Ever.”

“Evidence points to the contrary. And, you’ve said that before.”

“It was true before and it’s true now, Daniel.” There was a shake in Jack’s voice that Daniel didn’t quite understand, but the part of him that believed in Jack was winning over the part of him that believed all his relationship were doomed, and Daniel lifted his eyes and looked at his lover’s face. Jack was standing right in front of him, not a foot away, and yet no part of them was touching. The worry lines he’d developed during his year commanding the base were pronounced; the line between his eyebrows deep as he watched Daniel for a reaction.

Daniel let the part of him that had faith in Jack win. He softened.

Jack dipped at his knees, tilted his head up, and still without touching any other part of him, fit his mouth to Daniel’s in a strong kiss that spoke of months of practice.

He knew how much to open his mouth so it covered Daniel’s but didn’t demand, how much pressure to use so his late night whiskers wouldn’t burn. How when Daniel breathed deeply like that, and pressed back before releasing the kiss for a moment, it meant that he would initiate the next one, mouth more relaxed, the kiss deeper and more intimate. Jack reached up to touch Daniel’s face then, and down to put a tentative hand on his arm.

Daniel could feel Jack fighting the urge to kiss hard enough to back him into the wall, could see him squeezing his eyes shut as he held himself back from giving everything he had. There was comfort in the kiss and Daniel wanted the comfort of being held too; he put his arms around Jack and Jack exhaled in relief and wrapped himself up in Daniel.

Daniel broke the kiss. Leaning his head back and pushing Jack gently away as the other man strained to keep the kiss, eyes closed. “Jack,” he said.

Jack straightened and opened his eyes, his hands falling reluctantly from Daniel’s skin, looking ready for devastation.

“You don’t sleep out here.” And Daniel lightly touched a hand to Jack's hip, to his back, guiding him down the hall to the bedroom. Jack followed Daniel's lead out of the doorway and then Daniel felt a tentative hand on his arm, so he let go of Jack’s torso and allowed their hands slide together as they walked.

They rarely held hands.

The atmosphere in the bedroom was heavy with sleeplessness and tinged with fear from both of them. As they both looked at the bed, Jack whispered, “Please say you’ll make love to me tonight,” and Daniel turned to look at him, unable to question whether it would be the last time. It was more formal and gentler than their usual banter, even in the bedroom, but Daniel didn’t question it. Couldn't bear to question anything for fear of the answers.

He reached slowly to take off Jack’s white undershirt, but Jack complied easily enough so Daniel moved close enough to feel Jack’s chest hair tease his nipples and reached around his waist to pull him into a kiss. Jack’s hands went to Daniel’s ribcage and then they were everywhere, checking him over to see if there were any new scars incurred during in their few hours spent sleeping apart. Daniel stilled him by running his hands around the waistband of his boxers, Jack’s erection arching against the restraining fabric, until Daniel freed it. Jack stepped out of and around his clothes as they walked together toward the bed; Daniel dropped his sweatpants as they went.

They lay on the bed carefully, as if they were strangers, afraid to scare the other off.

And then Daniel pressed up against Jack, thigh to thigh and hip to hip and chest to chest and it was Jack, and the throbbing in his groin turned to heat and electricity as their cocks rubbed together; pre-come and hair and need creating sensation and building desire as they rocked. When Daniel reached between them to fist both cocks Jack broke out of the frantic kiss to gasp “Please, Daniel. Wait, please. I want…” but he didn’t finish the request.

But Daniel knew him, and stilled with effort so he could reach over to the bedside table for lube that was in the drawer there. Straddling one of Jack’s thighs and pulling the other up for access, Daniel greased up his fingers and reached hesitantly between Jack’s legs. Feeling like the distance between them was longer than the yard that actually separated their faces, and it was too far. As Daniel pushed into Jack with his hand, he carefully leaned his body down, closing the distance and nicely creating pressure between cock and thigh. Jack arched down onto Daniel’s fingers and then up into a kiss.

The kisses were a balm on the pain of the last hour, but as Daniel moved between and underneath Jack’s legs they had to move their faces too far apart to kiss, and insecurity rushed in between them on the air. There was a moment, as Daniel ran his hand over Jack’s leg and shifted his body, when he felt like his hands were his only anchor to Jack. Then he was entering and pushing, and there was a point when it was overwhelming for each of them and they closed their eyes; but when they relaxed and the initial urgency passed Daniel looked at Jack, and leaned forward, testing the limits of Jack’s flexibility. Their mouths weren’t close enough to kiss, but they were close enough to look at each other and see nothing else: not the passion, not the fear, not the panic of sex. Daniel’s movements were hindered by how bent he held Jack, but he wanted the connection of eye contact paired with the security of that moment being inside Jack. He pulled no more than halfway out as he thrust, he did not close his eyes when sensations overwhelmed; and ultimately he and Jack both had hands on Jack’s cock to bring him to completion first.

Daniel had just enough despair left in him to displace endurance and he knew he wouldn’t last forever, but he tried to ride the orgasm as if it would be the last he’d know for a while. Tried to remember it.

He pulled out fairly quickly afterwards, and grabbed a waiting towel from under the bed to clean Jack a bit and then crashed. He would have carefully moved to his side of the bed but Jack hooked him with an arm and he settled instead into a familiar if cautious closeness.

When Jack was still in bed with him in the morning, he decided that maybe Jack was right, and the only thing that was important was that they were going to try to stay a couple, even if Daniel didn’t understand why Jack had voluntarily separated them, even if there was a part of him that was always going to be ready for this time to be the last time.

He wrote in his journal: _I think he still wants me; he just doesn’t really want a relationship with me. Or not a short distance one, anyway. I must be a masochist if I’m willing to take sex and long distance in exchange for a real partner, but I think I still love him, and until I don’t, I’m just going to have walk this crazy logic path of his. God (or whatever there is out there) help me. Or maybe it’s time to ask for reassignment to Atlantis._

Jack wrote:

I’ve realized that I would make a terrible housewife or military wife, or wife of any kind. Putting aside the fact I really can’t cook anything but meat on a grill (Don’t say it. That steak was totally edible,) I am not good at being left behind. Have been known to carry a grudge about that. And I’m totally irrational now I can’t threat assess and have to rely on C. to get you home, when I’m hearing things like ‘under fire’ and ‘failed to report in’ and each time I imagine the worst possible scenarios and when you come home, whole or broken, I’m pissed as hell at C. for not giving me more information so I don’t have a heart attack.

Do you know what it’s like to hear danger, know it’s someone you care about in the shit, and look around to automatically threat assess and see only concrete walls? I’m starting to hate the sight of the gate. Never thought that would happen. 

And:

There are perks to a desk job, though. I haven’t set foot in the infirmary except to visit, not for a checkup, pre- or post-mission clearances, knee surgeries or even arthritis questions. Makes me feel not-quite-so old, if you want to know. I thought flying a desk would make me feel like a geezer; turns out, I feel comfortable. And I’ll deny that vehemently if you repeat it. And, I haven’t missed a single episode of the Simpsons since I made General. If that isn’t a perk, I don’t know what is.

And:

I wonder sometimes if H. knows. That would be bad, if so. It would mean we’re leaving a trail of breadcrumbs from the mountain to our bedrooms. I know you would rather be open and happy with our friends, and there is a part of me that wants H’s blessing, I have to admit. I’m old fashioned sometimes. There was a way H. offered me the D.C. job, like he knew that this time maybe I could actually stay retired, that it would be worth it; but there’s something about looking him in the eye and taking retirement, because he should have retired himself years ago, and I feel like he really deserves it more. It shouldn’t be me helping him get there, it really shouldn’t, but for some reason he likes me, and he thinks I can do this job. I’m likely to do a damn sight better job of helping him than filling in for him, though, that’s for sure. I’m finding once again that there may be a reason for the military’s regulatory madness; it’s very hard to send people you know too well out into the unknown. It should be someone else sending you out there. That way, I can be furious with them when I hear you’ve been injured, instead of C. or instead of eating away my stomach lining with guilt about it. And I haven’t left the program, and I’m not out of the loop. I’ll still have clearance to come to you, if you need me.

I realize it would be easier if I could deal with this and be the brilliant base commander somebody out there must have (wrongly) believed I could have been, leave work at work and come home to you and be happy, but it’s not working out that way. I’m not detached enough at work and I’m taking my work home. What can I say? I’m not Superman, but then, I’m pretty sure my kid was the only one who ever thought I was. You’ve known all about my flaws since day one, haven’t you? It’s a wonder you’re with me, really. I hope you still are.

****

Daniel dug through his pile of translations and back log of projects that had been transferred back to him and piling up after he missed the Daedalus departure for Atlantis. There was one, a low priority translation of an old text held in the Smithsonian, that Daniel had been holding in reserve as a good first project for someone. Suddenly, it got top priority, and he needed, needed to see the original papers, and needed several days in Washington. Mitchell was cute about it, standing SG-1 down rather than ship out without Daniel. He appreciated it even as his thoughts flew ahead of him to D.C.

He honestly did spend his first day in the museum. The papers were amazing and the samples he got would allow the SGC to run the tests no one else would think to run, but he finished the translation on the plane ride over, and only double-checked his work in the presence of the actual document. 

Then Hammond called. “Dr. Jackson, I presume.”

“Hello, General.”

“I heard you were in town, is that correct?”

“Ah, yes. Yes, arrived last night late.” Daniel was still flipping through some papers on the work space they’d given him in the basement of the Smithsonian.

“Well, then, I hope it’s a good trip for you. If you get a chance, it would be nice to get together for supper, catch up on old times.”

“That would be nice, General,” Daniel said distractedly, “but, ah, I do need to look up Jack first.”

“That’s actually why I’m calling,” George began.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Son, calm down. I merely meant to remind you that here in Washington, unlike at the SGC, 5 p.m. signals the end of the day, and if Jack isn’t there with you, then he should already be home by now.”

“Um. Thanks. Thank you. I’ll, uh, I’ll be sure and stop by, er, give him a call or something.” Daniel was absolutely at a loss for Hammond so easily reporting Jack’s whereabouts to him. “He knows I’m coming?”

“He knows you’re in Washington, Son, same way I did.” This meant a memo from the SGC detailing a request for a flight and expenditures, but not a personal communication.

“I’m going now, General.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Call if you have time later this week.”

“Yes, I will. And thank you, sir.”

“No problem, Son. Watch out for traffic on DuPont Circle, this time of day.” 

“Right.”

“If you’d prefer, I can have a car there in 10 minutes.”

“Really?” He could almost hear Hammond smiling at him through the phone. “Thanks. They picked me up from the hotel this morning.” 

“I figured as much. The car will be waiting hopefully by the time you get packed up.”

“Thanks, General.”

“Be safe, Son.” And the implications of that were just not worth pursuing.

****

The driver Hammond picked was a guy who had often driven Jack home, and therefore knew it was easier to swing around from the back, and pull over on a side street to let Daniel out with his various bags, books and paraphernalia. Jack didn’t see him enter the building as a result, even though he was out on his balcony and had a strategic view of the main entrance. Not that he would have admitted watching, but he was. From his posture slumped over the railing, he couldn’t have been looking at anything higher than the mailbox on the curb below him.

The banging on the door, and preceding thumps of bags hitting the carpet in the hallway, were, as a result, surprises. And he still didn’t quite dare to expect that Daniel would be outside the door.

He greeted the driver, who’d helped Daniel with his bags, in a daze. Couldn’t remember anything of what Daniel said or how they got those bags in the door until he finally asked, “Daniel, did you bring the entire museum with you?”

“Jack, it’s just one suitcase of books. I thought I might as well give the appearance of working.”

“You didn’t use them? Daniel, are you taking advantage of Uncle Sam?” 

“No, nor Aunt Sam. Not really. I finished the work today before Hammond called.”

“Hammond, eh?”

“Yup, he sends his compliments, and his blessing, by the way.” And with that, Daniel dropped his jacket, closed the two steps distance between them, took Jack’s head in both hands and kissed him. Soundly and passionately, knocking Jack off his equilibrium in the process and leaning him, mostly gently, against the hallway wall. It took Jack less than a second to respond and kiss back, easing his leg in between Daniel’s and finally turning so that Daniel was pressed up against the wall and Jack was pressed firmly up against him.

Jack’s jacket was open; Daniel pushed it off his shoulders. Jack had absolutely no idea what Daniel was wearing or how to get it off him, and ultimately had to let Daniel up from the wall to strip off his sweater and shirt. They left them in the hallway along with Jack’s tie and their shoes. Slacks and shirt didn’t make it past the bedroom door.

They were all over each other, twisting and winding and kissing deeply and touching everywhere. Eyes closed and open and trusting and dilated with desire, smiling. With his head on Daniel's shoulder, Jack realized Daniel was looking around the room, getting his bearings. Maybe he’d expected the bed to be somewhere else in the room, but they were nowhere near it yet, having barely made it in the door. Jack smiled sadly at Daniel, knowing this was not the space he was used to, a reminder that they weren't in Colorado; but Daniel smiled back warmly and began trailing bites and kisses down Jack’s chest, dropping Jack’s boxers to the ground as he went. 

Jack braced himself on his dresser and tried to remember to breathe as Daniel curled his tongue around the base of Jack’s cock from the side, a firm hand assisting his maneuvers and keeping Jack steady. He watched as Daniel moved to wet kisses, nosing underneath and around and keeping warm hands occupied as he thoroughly licked Jack’s most responsive area around the rim of the head. Then he took the head in his mouth, sucking now and holding his teeth back, and Jack couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. Daniel slid in and back, a little further every time, running the tip of Jack’s surging cock along the roof of his mouth lightly every time and it was like lightning. After Daniel deep throated him once, Jack gasped and brought a hand to Daniel's hair. He was using his right hand to stimulate the base of Jack's cock as he set up a rhythm over the head, but Jack needed him out of it, called his name and pulled back with all the will power he could muster, and Daniel released Jack out of his mouth to look up into Jack’s face. 

It took Jack a moment to speak. “I don’t want this to be over this quick, Daniel.”

Daniel smiled as Jack pulled him up to standing, eyes dilated and lips swollen. “We have days, Jack. No rush, no hurry. Anything you want.” Jack inhaled the scent of arousal all around them and dove into a kiss, pressing their bodies together. Daniel’s cock surged against him; Jack shifted, aligned his own, pressed achingly against Daniel's groin. 

“I’ll have to clear some meetings, take a few days off,” Jack pointed out breathlessly at a break in the kiss.

Daniel was so near Jack's face all he could see were the blue eyes, but they were smiling. “It’s officially the weekend, now, Jack. You have Saturday and Sunday off, unless you want to meet Hammond for dinner one night…” Daniel trailed off as he tilted his head to kiss Jack’s throat, and surged their bodies together using arms wrapped firmly around Jack’s waist and shoulders, cocks fiercely aroused and sensitive and rubbing. Jack groaned with his head back and to the side and suddenly needed to kiss as far into Daniel’s mouth as he could manage, breaking only when Daniel’s hand closed around his cock, and judging from the absence of the man’s hands anywhere else on his body, Daniel probably had his own in hand too. Jack head and temple were pressed against the side of Daniel’s face as he panted out the overwhelming sensation of going to the brink and trying to hold back. He was trying, he was trying very hard, but Daniel suddenly spoke in a low husk in his ear, “Come for me, Jack. Right now. Come for me now,” and Jack was gone. He kissed some part of Daniel, probably near his ear, and held on to the man’s shoulders as he arched into Daniel’s hands, came on his stomach, on both of their chests… or maybe it was Daniel coming at the same time, because Jack was suddenly aware of teeth in his shoulder, and the particular cry that Daniel made when he came. Stunned, satiated, a bit confused but feeling really good, Jack moved his arms around Daniel and leaned them both back on his dresser as they came down from the high.

Jack’s grin grew, though he felt like he was about to collapse on the floor, possibly taking Daniel down too, since it seemed the younger man was almost completely leaning on him. Jack shuffled them both, wondrously sticky and messy, to his bed on the other side of the room. Unabashedly, Daniel flopped down on his back, and Jack stumbled into the bathroom to get a couple of washcloths, and came back to flop down with him.

He was greeted with a fantastically goofy grin.

Jack, on impulse, rolled toward Daniel and gathered him close, though Daniel seemed disinclined to move much, or behave as though he had bones. 

“Hey,” Jack said eventually.

“Hey,” Daniel replied.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

Daniel bit back a wry grin at the bad pun in his head and answered the intended question. “Surprise visit.”

“If you’d told me, I could have been ready.”

“It’s okay, I’m ready. You can just wait until tomorrow to bottom.” Which wasn’t exactly what Jack had meant, but it was an interesting thing to ponder anyway, the image of Daniel when Jack was making love to him. He swam in the warmth of the image for a bit.

“So, didn’t come here to talk, then?”

“I could if you want, the translation was pretty interesting.” Daniel was smiling. It was easy; it was easier than it had been in a long time.

“So I guess you read my letters?” 

“Yup, read those. Finally understood some things; decided I’d send you a letter back, saying as much.”

“Oh yeah?” Jack tried to think back to whether he’d somehow missed a letter in his mail lately, but he was pretty sure it had all been bills or military somehow.

“Yup. This is it. What do you think so far?”

Jack was taken aback, and glanced up, then pulled back to look properly at Daniels face, which was still wearing the easy grin.

“I like your style, but the handwriting is a bit messy.”

The grin widened. “I’ll work on that.”

“Nah, it suits you.” Jack ran his hands over Daniel’s pecs and rested his arm over him, settling his head back against the outside of his shoulder. “I’m not really good with words, anyway.”

“Yes, you are.” Jack could hear him smiling in the words.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from an icon of paian's, we were talking about that it might mean that Jack and Daniel when apart were somehow less grounded, that they needed each other and without that faith, they were likely to lose themselves. Thanks to Sid, again, for funny insta-beta and wraith816 for arguing about apostrophes and sentence flow. Also thanks to delphia2000 for once again marvelous beta love, and rydra_wong for (amazingly synergistic) beta comments as well. All other mistakes are mine.
> 
> This work was originally posted on Livejournal on October 25th, 2005


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